Wow. What an incredible experience. Working with Tom Jackson, while scary and unnerving, was one of the most amazing, and probably one of the most helpful experiences we have ever had. I was a nervous wreck (see my previous post), but by the time we got up on stage sort of had the - oh well, just have to go through it now-attitude. He started by having us sing two songs - we sang Grown up Lullaby and Breathing - and you just know at that point that he is evaluating you. And so is the room. You don’t have a great sound system (ok but not great), and you have not slept much the night before. Voila: butterflies in stomach! He worked with Kim for a while first, getting her to step to the edge of the stage for the intro of Breathing, and play around with the progressions for a bit. The difference was amazing! That, in the meantime, was “my” time to get some water, retreat to the back of the stage, so all focus would be on her (instead of me standing, like I usually do, like an awkward log (hmm. what do I do now? Where do I look?). Then, at a pre-decided signal, I would walk up to the mic and start singing - having the freedom of when to do that since Kim was holding in A by then.
It made the start of the song more interesting, but still real, and I felt like we were controlling it instead of it controlling us like a runaway train. I sing my first chorus. Tom has already taken away our music stand (the horror! what if I forget the words!) and now…. he takes away my mic stand. I have the hold the mic. And move on the stage. This is the point where I am terrified it will look hokey and contrived. But you know what - it doesn’t. It feels natural, and like there is finally no barrier between me and the audience. Tom tells me to linger at a verse, find someone in the audience to focus on, and sing to them. Oh wait. Not sing. Squeak. His term for whisper. Huh? How on earth do I do that while I sing????? But when I do the atmosphere in the room electrifies, a well-known songwriter and producer later comes up to me and says she started crying it was so emotional. And you know what? Again, instead of it feeling contrived, it started feeling real. Like finally, instead of singing songs, I could communicate emotions. He challenged us to change the song structure when we play live - lengthen intros, create pauses - so you draw out your listeners. After all “If they want to listen to the way you recorded the song, they may as well just listen to your CD”.
Last night, the songwriter cafe was also amazing. Intimidating, too :). Here I am - having co-written a grand total of 9 songs in MY ENTIRE LIFE, sitting next to a hit writer for Gavin DeGraw, George Straitt, and so on. These people have Billboard Number 1 hits. Or their songs have. And I quickly see why - the songs are witty, moving, touching, prodding. All are excellent singers/guitar players, and entertainers. And then there’s me. Who has never played her own songs on guitar (but now has to because that’s a strict rule - you have to accompany yourself). I am nervous again. I have to sing and play these from memory. The first song, Falling, goes OK - not great, but I survive. The second song, Cry for Freedom, finds me getting more comfortable and I start feeling at ease among these giants. The song has huge emotional draw for me (we wrote it after the tsunami in South Asia), and I decide that I want to communicate with it - and I think I did.
Oops, the next session is about to start……. one more day left in this amazing bootcamp. More later. I feel refreshed and tired all at once, and challenged in the best way I have in years.
